Cryptic paragraphs written to everyone and no one inspired by someone else I know.

We have been friends for a long time, but sometimes I think that we do things on your watch. Mostly, I just think you're very kind and you really watch after me. It can come off as too strong and sometimes mean, but I mostly have to take a step back and remind myself that you are who you are, and you just have a different way of expressing your feelings.

I can't forgive you for last year. I wanted to. I tried. But I just can't forgive you because you are not that great of a person. You are manipulative and terrible. You've made me feel fucked up for such a long time. I don't want to be distrusting towards those you deserve my trust. And I can't wait for her to dump you and for you to feel miserable. I'm sorry your mom has cancer.

I miss when we went to Wisconsin Dells last year. I am so sorry that things had to get complicated between us after that. I think that distance creates tension and we wouldn't have run into this problem if I still lived down the street from you. We've done a great job at rekindling our friendship, but I want to see you more and more. I find myself wanting to drive onto weird back roads with you. Sometimes when I can't sleep, I wish I was with you drinking coffee at Perkins late at night. Remember when that awful person kicked me out of his house, and I was a drunken mess by the street light? You picked me up in the middle of the night, while I was crying on the street. You were the only one to come to my rescue. You've always done things like that, and I wish that you'd answer your phone when I call. I miss our sleepovers and when you'd straddle me and show me how you'd fuck someone, and I'd scream and squirm away. Remember when we thought your grandma opened the door and we were like, "Hey Grandma." and no one was there? So we hid under the blankets for 15 solid minutes, scared to move because we thought there would be ghosts.

I still can't find that person who will talk more than we did. You understood me through everything. I understood you through everything. There was no need for boyfriends or caring about men when we spent every single day together.

I think you could do a lot better than him, and I think you could do more in your life. I wish you'd stop comparing yourself to others or worrying about what he's doing with her now. I wish this only because I wish this for myself as well. In so many ways I understand that you just get it. You get it more than others, and that is why we are so close.

I want you I want you I want you I want you. This won't change for quite sometime. I've lost interest in even looking at other men, and there are so many of them in this city. Things are complicated and I am trying decipher excuses. I can't totally trust you and it sucks! Why did we become involved on a more romantic level? I'd like to think that it actually boosted our friendship even more. But maybe that is just wishful thinking. Why haven't I run away yet? I swear to you, if you were any other man, I would be gone in an instant. But our history makes us strong, knowing each other for a while now. And the idea of not knowing you is terrible. So this makes me feel comfortable. It makes me feel calm. But I still find myself saying, "I want you I want you I want you I want you I want you."

I don't wish to know where you are. I hope you stay out of our lives. I can't forgive you for what you've done to me and my brother. You were the worst person to have grown up with. You haunt my dreams. But I thank you for only one reason. I am thankful that you have inspired me not to be like you at all. I will raise my family much better than you did.




Just getting some things off my chest.