Monday, April 12, 2010

Mindfulness.

I don't think you really understand how you say things that may not be about me, but they really affect me. Remember that certain things are all-inclusive, so if you talk so poorly of this city then it seems as if you are talking poorly of me. If you talk so poorly of other things that might correlate with my life, then I can only draw conclusions from your words.

I may not be enough for you to love this city, but I should be enough to make you not feel so bitter towards it. Besides, you have a wonderful education and fantastic opportunities at your disposal and a thriving future ahead of you. Your future can happen beyond this city whilst appreciation for Chicago, though I understand that being discontent with this place makes for an easier departure.

I don't feel like this city is for me, either. But I am bound by education. This is fine, since I've always been impulsive and I've always run away from my problems. I've hated places and later found the beauty of living there. It just goes down in my mental book of "Things that shaped me and made me who I am today." But I wish I would have just enjoyed it while it was in front of me, instead of dwelling on the future of where I could be.

I implore you to find more than one reason to enjoy your time in Chicago, instead of just biding your time because of your loyalty to school. And if this isn't how you feel, then I implore you to show more appreciation for everything you have here (besides your other half, your music, your school, etc...)



And please, don't hate me for this.
Posted by at

1 comment:

Joseph said...

I just typed out this big long comment and my stupid ass internet just deleted it. I knew I should've copied it to my clipboard before I posted. Oh well...here it goes again!

I sincerely apologize for hating on Chicago. I really never meant to indirectly insult you, but I can see how things I say about Chicago would affect you. There are a lot of things about Chicago and people in the city (yourself included) that I really do love. Unfortunately Chicago's just become a scapegoat because A.) I really want to be able to devote 100% of my time and energy into my band and touring, but my school and my internship and my residence here are all holding me back from that, B.) I miss Austin terribly, which accentuates in my mind the things that Austin has that Chicago does not have, and C.) I feel guilty as hell just being here. My mom is paying for my entire college and housing and food and everything. I feel so fucking bad about this whole thing. She went through hell convincing my father that Columbia was the perfect school for us, that none of the places that offered us free rides and such would help us to reach our full potential. Now I'm here and all I want to do is my band. Don't get me wrong, in many ways Columbia is completely to blame for the actual start of The Window Theatre. I definitely don't think I would've been able to become the musician/writer/person I am now had I not gone to Columbia. And I really do love my classes here a lot. I just feel, though, that if in the end I'd rather do the band than class, I should've just gone somewhere free and sucked it up for four years and not made my mom pay this much. I sometimes wish I were paying my own way through school, so that if at any time I'm not enjoying school to the absolute fullest potential, that's totally on me and I'll pay the price for it. I know that that's stupid, but the feeling comes from the same place that my feeling of increased legitimacy now that my parents are divorced comes from. I don't know...I just feel like I'm spoiled all the time and I feel guilty about how good I've got it.

But I digress. Again I truly am very sorry for hurting you. I never meant to, I've just been frustrated and not thinking about my words before I say them. I hope you can forgive me.

April 12, 2010 at 2:15 AM

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)