Ufda.

Tonight was a semi-dramatic time. I ventured over to Michael's house after my Pizza Luce gathering with the high school crew (be sure to check missed connections for my mean post about the counterperson). Before I went over there, I gave Michael a phone call. You know it's always a good sign when you ask to come over and the other person responds with "I guess". It's similar to being punched in the gut with spikes or being shot in the eye with a bebe gun (I'm sure of it). Despite all of this, I went over to see him anyway. But I went over there with the intention of completely ending everything. No friendship. No fucking. No dating. No nothing. I had already come to terms with what was Michael and I. It was something wonderful before that it will never be now or again.

It would have been easy to just send everything that I had on my mind in an email. But I figured he was worth something to me before everything got fucked up. He woo'ed me in such a way, and he seemed to be someone who would go down in my book as "one of Ally's great loves". So I gave him the benefit of a face-to-face confrontation. I needed to be blunt with him about all of the times that he made me feel like shit. I also needed to tell him that toying with my emotions was a no-go. Riding at the tip of my tongue was the fact that he did everything so wrong in such a fashion that it made me not want to be his friend! But life isn't as simple as blurting out things that aren't easy to talk about. So I waited.

He kept talking at me about a new shirt that he bought. "Hey Ally, do you want to see my new shirt that I bought?" he said. "No, not really," I replied. I began to give up listening to what he had to say. I knew I was screwed when the Charlie Rose show came on with Neil Young because we had to sit through that entire thing before I could confront him. I was hoping for a commercial break, but no! Not a god damn one. After it was over, I hesitated again to confront him with everything I was feeling. Finally, it was like a big explosion when I told him. I was a bubble waiting to burst, and I knew he could feel it coming on. I finally came out with it. I told him exactly what I felt. I told him many things.

I concluded the night with leaving and saying, "I hope you know that this is the last time that I want to see you. We aren't friends". Let me tell you, that felt really great! I left on my scooter feeling liberated from a situation that was obviously weighing me down. I believe that when I was dating Kyle Drake that he gave me a wrinkle between my eyes because I had to glare and squint so much while dating him. Michael probably didn't help this at all, and now I look like a scary old woman! I am so glad that I removed myself from the situation.

He text messaged me, but I didn't respond. I won't give him that.